THE CONSERVATIVE HIPSTERS

Guys, guys, guys..... Look, I know the last 12 years have been difficult. For all of us. We've had to sit on the Opposition benches and observe two Liberal Prime Ministers "govern" this country.

12 years. 4 elections. 4 defeats. 7 Leaders.

Man, it gets tiring. Its tough being blue.

But this is not the time to go into a funk. Its difficult to win an election when you're balled up in the fetal position under the covers of your bed eating chocolate and wondering "why can't it be me?"

On the first day of the campaign, we're already back to the acting like a whipped donkey. Behold Lorrie Goldstein's column today: Media is giving Martin a free pass and sucker punching Harper. Why? Because a reporter asked if Harper "loves this country".

Goldstein muses that this is analagous to one asking "when did you stop beating your wife?" Well, firstly, a truly analagous question would be "Why do you hate this country"? But in any event, what does Harper say? "Canada is a great country."

Hey, I know you're professional and all that Stevie, but how about a simple "Yes, of course" before moving on? No, no. Here's what he has to say: "Today the Liberals suggested that I do not love this country. They suggested that people who don't vote Liberal don't love this country. Now that is what we're going to expect. It's mean and it saddens me."

To quote Al Pacino in Heat: I am over-fucking-whelmed.

Poll after poll have told us Canadians want hope. They want vision. They want a positive outlook on the future. They want to know that things will be better if Harper was running the country. That response did none of that.

So what do we do? We blog about media bias and unfair coverage (oh, and by the way "Spock-like response" is friggin hilarious and accurate). We whine and complain that nobody loves us and that we're not given a fair shake. Some of our candidates have even made it part of their campaign platform.

As Paul Wells notes "Tories complain a lot". And we do.

So, the Hipster has to roll up his sleeves and give you all a little tough love:

STOP BEING THE VICTIM, FOLKS. BE HAPPY. BUY SOME LAVENDER OR SOMETHING.

We need to stop worrying about things we can't control and focus on things we can.

Here's a perfect example: In two seperate newscasts, I have seen moderate Tories being trotted out to talk about Stephen Harper. In both cases Senator Hugh Segal and provincial Tory leader John Tory have said that Harper is "not scary".

See? Focusing on the negative, folks. How do you disprove a negative? Mucho difficulte.

Instead, let's focus on the positive. How about talking about how warm he is?

That once Canadians get to know him, they'll see that he is a great guy?

That's he's thoughtful, articulate, a tad bit serious but that he's running for a serious job?

"Not scary" is just another example of us playing defence.

As we usually do. Exhibit A. Boo hoo.

Shake it off, folks. Stop complaining.

Maybe a little sing along will make you feel better: