Tuesday, February 28, 2006

POLITICS AS USUAL: MICHAEL IGNATIEFF SHOCKER!!!

I've been gone for a while and for that I am sorry.

But my time has not been wasted!

I have been tracking down the mysterious history of Liberal supremo candidate Michael "Iggy" Ignatieff.

Yes, yes... we all know his "official" history. Harvard professor, prolific author, supporter of the War in Iraq. And we all know that he spend some 30 years out of the country--apparently in pursuit of these various, lofty, positions.

But I'm here to tell you that Iggy Pop has a secret. A dark past that must be revealed for the good of Canada. And the Conservative Hipster has uncovered the truth!

Apparently, since 2001, Our friend Michael* has been leading a team of mutants that are refugees from a secret (no doubt Liberal) government program, which like AdScam, has gone awry. They have dubbed this group "Mutant X":



As I have discovered, Iggy is no stranger to leading an unruly team of misfits. "Adam Kane", as Igantieff likes to be called, has had this written about him on the Net--undoubtledly by his inner circle of close political advisers and confidantes:

"Adam Kane is arguably the smartest man alive - the strategist, tactician and moral center of MUTANT X. It was his genetic research that inadvertently created new mutants - and he takes as his responsibility the salvation of these innocent victims of society. Adam has the serenity of a warrior poet - the perfect leader for MUTANT X. "

Perfect leader indeed.

Now before Iggy got all carried away with human genetics, he affiliated himself with a Canadian creation that had become a symbol of American Imperialism:

Before "Mr. Dithers", before the "Shawinegan Strangler", Iggy tangled with a certain "Man of Steel".

Yes, as early as 1993, Iggy worked closely with one of America's deadliest weapons and even became close with a desperate housewife.

Scandalous!

The Hipster has a rare shot of them in their "street clothes" in an attempt to fool the public:

We're no fools, Iggy! We're on to you. You and your leather jacket!

You might have been a crime fighting, mutant-leading scientific genius.

You might have powerful "superfriends" in the United States.

But you're no match for the dapper haberdachery of a Scott Brison or the unknown, low-profile charm of of a Marizo Belevaqua, I'll tell you that!

Your adventures abroad may have brought excitement, maybe even a little booty, but a successful Prime Minister that does not make.

Canadians won't be taken in by your geek routine, mister! The Hipster is here to expose you!

Voters of Canada, don't be fooled! He may be all "awkward bookworm" now, but in his superpower mingling days, we saw the REAL Michael Ignatieff.

Michael Ignatieff then (all wind swept hair-like):


And Iggy now:

Clean cut and presentable, but no less dangerous.

Tell Michael Ignatieff that Canada doesn't need another hero! We don't need to know the way home! Send Iggy and his band of crime-fighting mutants packing.

* If you don't think they look alike, you're an idiot.


Wednesday, February 15, 2006

POLITICS AS USUAL: BUT NOT IN THE WAY YOU THINK, BILLY...

News Item: Jane Stewart Named Chief of Staff to Interim Leader Bill Graham

"Jane Stewart will be a fantastic anchor for the Liberal team"
in the Opposition Leader's Office, Graham said in a written statement.

an┬Ěchor ( P ) Pronunciation Key (ngkr)n.

Nautical. A heavy object attached to a vessel by a cable or rope and cast overboard to keep the vessel in place either by its weight or by its flukes, which grip the bottom.

B! TALK DAILY: FORGET FOX NEWS...

Who says all media is biased towards liberals?

Has anyone been watching what is quickly becoming my favorite show ABC's 20/20?


You might remember this show with Barbara Walters and the surpisingly tough (at least on Family Guy) Hugh Downs. It was your typical news magazine program, with "in depth" features about a particular murder case or an interview with a charming celebrity.

But ever since out-of-work porn star John Stossel took over the hosting duties, its turned into a cornicopia of common sense conservative thinking. Its now my favorite show these days (of course becuase Prisonbreak isn't on until March).

Here are a few of my favorite episodes:

  1. Stupid In America: How Lack of Choice Cheats Our Kids Out of a Good Education
  2. The Real Price of Pork Barrel Spending
  3. The Good Side of Greed
  4. Myths Lies and Nasty Behaviour: Think Gas Is More Expensive, Urban Sprawl Is Bad? Think Again
  5. Lookism: The Ugly Truth About Beauty

I love it! Every time I watch (Friday Night, 10:00 pm EST) I can't help but wonder who's ass they're going to kick this week. Stossel is a general prick (without being nasty) and he asks pretty pointed questions without blinking an eye. In an episode debunking the myth of outsourcing, he calls two American farmers receiving generous grants from the federal government "welfare queens". All they could sputter out was "well, I would disagree with you, sir..."

In an age where news programs spend more time on the culture of celebrity and fawning over ever pet cause of the liberal elite, its nice to see at least one program (and again, on ABC no less) that is focusing on facts and not worring about being politically correct.

I thought only Magnum could make a mustache cool. Then along came John Stossel.

Nah, the bush mouth is still stupid. But I sure do love his program!


Friday, February 10, 2006

POLITICS AS USUAL: WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, GARTH?

Now, c'mon Garth.

I've read your bio. You're a smart guy.

You've written books on personal finance, and you're the CEO of one of the largest independent producers of network programming in the country.

And you know how the public stage works.

You've been an MP and a Minister, been on television as a host and commentator.

You're used to being in the public eye and having people pay attention to you.

So man to man, Tory to Tory, blogger to blogger, I have a simple, straightforward question I need to ask you:


What the hell is up with that suit jacket???


I mean, leather? A leather (or possibly plether) suit jacket? C'mon.

If this was, say, 1987, and you had on sunglasses AND some sort of a bright, frilly, open collar shirt I MIGHT think you had some style.

But as a politician in a tie? Behind a Canadian flag?

It almost hurts too much just to keep looking at it.

Oops--I just threw up in my mouth.


Thursday, February 09, 2006

NEW POLL: CALLING ALL ARMCHAIR QUARTERBACKS...

Lots of commentary about what PM Harper should or should not do.

Now its your turn--what do you think Harper should/will do about this Emerson/Fortier controversy?

The poll is, as always, over and to your right.

If you have any other suggestions leave it as a comment.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

POLITICS AS USUAL: FORTIER SENDS THE WRONG MESSAGE....

BOO!!!!

We're trying to send a message that we're less scary, Senator Appointenberry.


Thursday, February 02, 2006

POLITICS AS USUAL: FOR EVERYTHING ELSE, THERE'S MASTERCARD......

SPONSORSHIP SCANDAL: $250,000,000


GOMERY INQUIRY: $80,000,000


COST OF THE 2006 ELECTION CAMPAIGN: $50,000,000*


PUTTING THIS LOOK ON PAUL MARTIN'S FACE: PRICELESS



* Something like that

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