THE CONSERVATIVE HIPSTERS

I've been gone for a while and for that I am sorry.

But my time has not been wasted!

I have been tracking down the mysterious history of Liberal supremo candidate Michael "Iggy" Ignatieff.

Yes, yes... we all know his "official" history. Harvard professor, prolific author, supporter of the War in Iraq. And we all know that he spend some 30 years out of the country--apparently in pursuit of these various, lofty, positions.

But I'm here to tell you that Iggy Pop has a secret. A dark past that must be revealed for the good of Canada. And the Conservative Hipster has uncovered the truth!

Apparently, since 2001, Our friend Michael* has been leading a team of mutants that are refugees from a secret (no doubt Liberal) government program, which like AdScam, has gone awry. They have dubbed this group "Mutant X":



As I have discovered, Iggy is no stranger to leading an unruly team of misfits. "Adam Kane", as Igantieff likes to be called, has had this written about him on the Net--undoubtledly by his inner circle of close political advisers and confidantes:

"Adam Kane is arguably the smartest man alive - the strategist, tactician and moral center of MUTANT X. It was his genetic research that inadvertently created new mutants - and he takes as his responsibility the salvation of these innocent victims of society. Adam has the serenity of a warrior poet - the perfect leader for MUTANT X. "

Perfect leader indeed.

Now before Iggy got all carried away with human genetics, he affiliated himself with a Canadian creation that had become a symbol of American Imperialism:

Before "Mr. Dithers", before the "Shawinegan Strangler", Iggy tangled with a certain "Man of Steel".

Yes, as early as 1993, Iggy worked closely with one of America's deadliest weapons and even became close with a desperate housewife.

Scandalous!

The Hipster has a rare shot of them in their "street clothes" in an attempt to fool the public:

We're no fools, Iggy! We're on to you. You and your leather jacket!

You might have been a crime fighting, mutant-leading scientific genius.

You might have powerful "superfriends" in the United States.

But you're no match for the dapper haberdachery of a Scott Brison or the unknown, low-profile charm of of a Marizo Belevaqua, I'll tell you that!

Your adventures abroad may have brought excitement, maybe even a little booty, but a successful Prime Minister that does not make.

Canadians won't be taken in by your geek routine, mister! The Hipster is here to expose you!

Voters of Canada, don't be fooled! He may be all "awkward bookworm" now, but in his superpower mingling days, we saw the REAL Michael Ignatieff.

Michael Ignatieff then (all wind swept hair-like):

And Iggy now:

Clean cut and presentable, but no less dangerous.

Tell Michael Ignatieff that Canada doesn't need another hero! We don't need to know the way home! Send Iggy and his band of crime-fighting mutants packing.

* If you don't think they look alike, you're an idiot.